Holy Roller Novocaine

I can't sleep. And to past the time between now amd 6:30- about 4 hours from now- I decided I would try to post a blog.
In the past week, I broke up with my boyfriend. And 4 days later I found out it was the worst decision I ever made. I regret it so much and I miss him more than anything. Soooo, I talked to him about it, and after about 3 hours of apologizing and venting he has forgiven me and we are trying to work things out.
My brother is home from Hawaii and out of the Marine Corps for good! I'm so happy and tonight we had Thanksgiving #3 with him. I missed him so much and it was very refreshing to see him after awhile.
Christmas is coming up and I have my list prepared.
1) A mountain bike
2) A Mac laptop

3) A lava lamp

4) House (seasons starting at 1)
5) Just Dance 2
6) Latest Kings of Leon and Taylor Swift CD's. (yes I already bought them on iTunes but I want the actual CD)
7) Tickets to the Georgia Aquarium

8) Chronicles of Narnia (1&2)


That's all I can think of that I would L-O-V-E to have. And don't think I'm going to get all this stuff cause I'm not some spoiled brat. Ha my parents will probably say no to at least 3 or 4 of these things.

WHY AM I NOT TIRED THIS IS NOT OKAY.

It's exactly 3:40 now. And I have to wake up at 6. Shoot me in the face cause I hate my life.

See the only hard part, for me, with getting back together with Devin would be my friend, Zac. He's a very sweet guy and we admittedly told each other we were interested. I wasn't lying, in the fact that he is very sweet but looking at the situation I'm not sure if we have a lot in common, character wise. While it seems we have to same ideals in life, like when we are older, there doesn't seem to be chemistry, a spark like there is between Devin and I. I don't know what is going through his head, so I do not know how to go about telling him the latest with Devin and I. My plan is to avoid it as long as possible, but something tells me it will not be that long. Again, I don't know his feelings, so I'm not sure how he will take it. I don't think he cares all that much, because he has told me in the past he has never had a serious relationship, which means he can't be too committed to whatever it is we had. Nevertheless, I feel bad about it, but I will figure something out. I always do.

That paragraph up they just took 7 minutes to write. My life is such a waste.

It's 5:30. In the morning. I don't remember the last time I was awake at 5:30 in the morning.

It's 8:30 and I am at school, operating on less than one hour of sleep. My life ROCKS.

Best The You Never Had,

Hello how you doing?
What's it like to ruin all my self esteem
Let me blow off some steam
For 5 years I've waited,
So why am I jaded to get back at you
What makes it cool

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can't like someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

And it seems like a loss somehow
My heart got lost on the way to my head
And my brain cells are dead
And the craziness shows
Now I start to go when the green turns to red
And I should be dead

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad
But I can't like someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
The best thing that you never had

Like the toilet seat never got lifted
And I pissed on your confidence
When you weren't around, how can that be?
Don't turn this around
You were the one
Who drove my ass right to the ground

When you act like nothing ever happened
I feel like I should feel bad, and I can't like

Someone who thought
They're the only one that mattered
While my heart got shattered like romantic roadkill
My heart is all splattered your ego got fatter
And I hope that you're flattered
Cause you broke this down
You broke this down
The best thing, the best thing,
The best thing that you never had

You never had...

Dear John

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps,
praying the floor won't fall through, again
My mother accused me of losing my mind,
but I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky
and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game,
but you changed the rules every day
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone
tonight
Well I stopped picking up, and this song is to let you know why

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home.
I should've known

Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said "run as fast as you can"

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home


Dear John,
I see it all, now it was wrong
Don't you think 15 is too young to be played by your dark twisted games, when I loved you so?
I should've known

You are an expert at sorry,
and keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you run dry
with tired, lifeless eyes
cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me,
so don't look now:
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town

Dear John,
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress,
cried the whole way home.
I see it all now that you're gone

Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
You should've known
You should've known
Don't you think I was too young?
You should've known

Sabatouge.

She came along and let's hear the applause- she took him faster than you could say sabatouge.

Lately there have been extreme troubles between Devin and I. We have been drifting further away then ever, and it's not our fault. It would be different if the problems were between us, but when are relationship is being ruined by outside factors, well that's a different story.
I really believe that people should just let things be. Let people be happy. It's majorly selfish to try to get between two people. Very selfish, immature, and rude. Your only caring about yourself and what you want- to make you happy. Just GO AWAY. Your unwanted. And your only causing trouble; your only making things worse. You make me sick. Why would you want to come in between two people in love? You manipulating and sick. Your really just a disgusting person. I can't stand to look at you.
And the people who fall for that are just as stupid. If you let those kinds of people get in your head, then you obviously didn't love me enough in the first place. Your a weak-minded person, and if you fall for their tactics- then y'all belong together. You under their spell- and them in denial.
Who knows. Everything is in a mess and I really don't know what to do.

Story of My Life.

So I have gotten into a weee bit of trouble with my parents, and have gotten my everything taken away. Serisously, I'm on lockdown. So if I do post for awhile, it will be from my 4th period marketing class- where I am now.
Don't you hate it when you feel like your parents are overreacting? When they don't listen to what you have to say, the logic of the sitaution. They just are in their anger and do not listen.
Welcome to my world.
Well, yeah.